Dear Dad,
Do you remember that crazy time, 5 years ago, when I was running to shul -- "barreling down the block" I used to say -- 3 times a day to say Kaddish? I remember.
Do you remember how Uncle Paul was my backup and Kaddish-Partner-In-Crime, which took some pressure off when there were days I was not able to make it? I'm thinking about that too, since today is his birthday.
Do you remember last year, when your grandchild was due any minute and I didn't know if I would be able to make it to shul, so we had rabbis in two different shuls make a point of saying Kaddish for you and having a little l'chaim? In the end I made it to an outdoor minyan, but how could I possibly forget the uncertainty that the baby might arrive on your yortzeit.
And did you see, this morning, how I sat down near your yortzeit candle with your little grandson, who bears your name, and told him about you?
I can't believe it's been 5 years since I've been able to talk to you and hear your words in your voice in response. I've known this day was coming for a long time, and yet it still somehow crept up on me. I have so much to say and yet no words will come.
Do you remember how worried I was at first - that I would forget things about you? I'm glad I took notes on the stories shared during shiva, but I realize now that it was not necessary. I won't forget. I can't forget. I'm glad to have them written down, but it's not as difficult as I feared to remember. I know now that you are a part of me and always will be.
I hope you're happy where you are and that you can see what's been going on down here. We're doing well, but we miss you so much.
Love always,
Amy
