3 Wishes - for minyan related peace of mind

Nearly 7 months of attending daily minyan to say Kaddish for my father has given me much time to reflect on the minyan experience itself, among many other related topics. 

Thankfully, my experiences have been overwhelmingly positive, and the bumps in the road have been relatively minor, all  things considered.  If my small gripes here and there have painted a negative portrait of a woman's experience in shul, and wish to apologize to any institutions or individuals who have been maligned by my processing these experiences in a public forum.  

At the same time, the conversations on Facebook and otherwise have helped me to distill three distinct wishes that would make the experience so much easier.

Three Wishes:

1. A place to stand/sit/daven
2. Security in knowing that there will be opportunity to recite/hear Kaddish when the time comes
3. Knowing that there will be time to recite Aleinu before Kaddish begins

Let me explain each in greater detail:

1. A place to stand/sit/daven

Knowing before I arrive that there is a designated space for woman would greatly mitigate the anxiety I feel before attending a new minyan.  Wondering what I am walking into, pushing myself to arrive extra early to allow time to setup, negotiate for, or locate the Women's Section adds an additional element of discomfort/anxiety/anticipation on a regular basis.  Once I know the lay of the land, the second visit is always easier!

How synagogues can help: 

• note on the website that there is an accessible, regularly available Women's section - or a listing of whom to reach out to in advance to make arrangements before arrival 
• post signs pointing clear directions to the Woman's Section for visitors who might not know the building
• have a woman's section set up, free of men, at every service, whether women attend regularly or not.  I can't count how many times I have been the only woman in attendance, and there have been times that I have not been able to arrive early.  
• The anxiety of arriving late coupled with not knowing whether there will be a place to stand can be overwhelming at times and has nearly caused me to miss out on Kaddish. 

2. Security in knowing that there will be opportunity to recite/hear Kaddish when the time comes

For a woman who is not, in some communities, permitted to recite Kaddish aloud by herself, there is an added element of wondering whether there will be someone in the men's section available to recite Kaddish in the appropriate time.  At Mincha and Maariv, the Kaddish occurs only at the end of the service.  On days when I recognize fellow "club members" in the crowd, I know that time will be allotted for Kaddish and that I will be able to hear and follow along without difficulty.  When I don't recognize anyone in the crowd, I find myself anxious throughout the service wondering whether there will be someone present to recite Kaddish.

How synagogues can help:

• Note on the website the Shul's policy when it comes to Kaddish -
• Whether a woman can recite Kaddish alone or accompanied
• Whether the Shul has a custom of reciting Kaddish regardless of whether a male mourner is present (there are many reasons for this, but not knowing whether or not this is the case in a particular minyan has caused me no small angst over time). 
• A sign, a flag, a nod, a conversation... to let me and/or other women know that Kaddish will be recited and what our responsibility is vis a vis the Shul custom: recite alone, follow along quietly, follow along aloud, etc. 
• Make sure that the men reciting Kaddish in various areas in the room are synchronized, so that women can easily hear and follow.  If possible, mourners stationed near the mechitza allow for the easiest follow by women mourners. 

3. Knowing that there will be time to recite Aleinu before Kaddish begins

Different leaders lead at different paces.  That said, many seem to rush through Aleinu at breakneck pace.  Given that Aleinu is almost always followed by Mourner's Kaddish, would it not make sense to slow it down just a smidge so that mourners can complete the Aleinu without racing against time? 

How synagogues can help:

• Create a policy whereby Aleinu is given an extra beat or two on a consistent basis so that mourners looking toward Kaddish might be able to predict the amount of time allotted and pace themselves accordingly.  
• Extend the the leader's repetition so that mourners have a bit more notice in advance of Kaddish.

Based on conversations with other mourners, I think that if synagogues took steps to grant us these three wishes, our experiences saying Kaddish would be greatly ameliorated.  Any additional steps they can take toward smoothing the way in these three categories would be vastly appreciated.